Tips to Help Your Food Allergic Child "Belong" During the Holidays

Another installment in our series about the social aspect of food allergies, authored by Melanie Potock from www.mymunchbug.com.

Building New TRADTIONs

Thanksgiving is just around the corner.  You’ve reminded the relatives about your child’s food allergies and done all you can to ensure that your child is safe at the yearly family extravaganza.   You’ve worked through the emotions that encompass the holidays, especially when dietary restrictions impact not only your little one, but your extended family as well.

Time to focus on what Thanksgiving is truly about: Gathering together with thankful hearts.  It’s about family, tradition and community.  It’s about gratitude and giving.  And yes, we express our thanks around the table, often with recipes passed down from generation to generation.

How about establishing some new traditions for your little one that don’t focus on food, but on celebrating our time as a family and one that is centered on gratefulness and generosity?  Here a few suggestions to do just that:

Designing Delightful Thanksgiving Tables

 While the adults are preparing the food or perhaps at your house the day before, have a special party for the kids to decorate the table.  Older cousins can assist as the younger kiddos make the centerpiece, place cards, napkin rings or place mats.   This is a time to encourage each generation to get to know each other  a little bit better.  What wonderful conversation starters this will be when everyone sits down! 

Try these centerpieces, place cards, napkin rings or place mats.

A Tisket, a Tasket, Who’s Got the Basket?

Just before dinner, give everyone a small piece of paper.  Each person writes down one funny fact about their lives,  such as “My first job was at an ice cream shop and I'm lactose intolerant!"  or  “My husband called me by the wrong name our entire first date!”  Put them in a small basket, perhaps decorated by your child and while enjoying dinner, pass the basket around the table.  Each person pulls out a piece of paper, reads it, and the table has to guess who wrote it.  Then, that person tells the funny story in detail.  This is the perfect game to video tape – family history straight from the horse’s mouth! Make video copies and give them as holiday gifts in December.  Family holiday shopping - done!

Potato Turkey Heads

You’ve heard of Mr. Potato Head?  Give the kids a variety of shapes and sizes of potatoes, toothpicks, buttons, felt and anything from the bottom of your craft box to create their own potato turkeys, each with his own personality.  Hint: Poke the potatoes with a fork in a few places, microwave the them just slightly the night before and then refrigerate so that little fingers can push toothpicks into the potato a bit easier.  These also make fun place cards (but don't make Uncle Fred's place card look too much like Uncle Fred himself)! 

Find a little inspiration here...

I’m Thankful For…

It’s a lovely touch to share what you are thankful for, but here’s a silly twist to do afterward…go around the table clockwise and the first person must start with the letter A, then B, then C, etc..   Always known for practical jokes, Uncle Rob might say: “I am thankful that Andy’s pet snake hasn’t escaped (yet) from the cage under the table.”  The child on his left might say “I am thankful that Basketball season is coming because I am going to score a gazillion points for my 4th grade team!”  or “I am thankful for Carrots because we dug up the last bunch at our Community Garden to give to the food bank.”

How about a holiday gratitude can?  It keeps us counting our blessing all the way through the end of the year.  

Visit Blissfully Domestic for the how-to's .

Warm Hands, Warm Heart

It’s important to help our children understand that many families don’t have a warm place to gather together on Thanksgiving.  Making blankets  or rice-filled hand-warmers to deliver next week to your local homeless shelter or similar charities is a gracious way of giving thanks for our special day together.  Most craft stores have inexpensive fleece for tied blankets that the entire extended family can construct after dinner.  A few years ago, our family of four made blankets and donated them to Project Linus.  It is their mission “to provide love, a sense of security, warmth and comfort to children who are seriously ill, traumatized, or otherwise in need through the gifts of new, handmade blankets and afghans, lovingly created by volunteer "blanketeers."  Gotta love that!

Is there an adult in the family known for sewing?  Prior to the Thanksgiving gathering, ask them to cut 4 inch by 4 inch pieces of fleece and sew them on three sides as “starter” hand warmers.  During the family festivities, help the kids fill the pockets with rice via a funnel, then  blow in a kiss before whip stitching it shut tight.  For those homeless in our community, a convenience store microwave means not only a hot cup of water for tea, but it is an easy means to heat up these rice-filled hand warmers.  Attach a note,  directions for heating and a tea bag.  Then tell them you wish them well. 

Learn more about how to make rice-filled hand warmers from e-how.com.

It’s Not about the Food, It’s about the Presentation

Okay, it’s also about the food – I’m not fooling anyone here!  But, for your little munchbug with food allergies, participating in the presentation of the food helps them feel valuable and included in the holiday meal.  As a feeding therapist, I love for all the kids to join in on this.  Experiencing the feel and aroma of new foods is one of the first steps to becoming a more adventurous eater.  Here a few tips for getting them involved:

• Handwashing:  This is a golden opportunity to learn about proper hand washing before prepping food!  Soap up and sing Happy Thanksgiving to you (the Happy Birthday song) twice before rinsing hands well.  Dry with a paper towel to prevent your child from accidently being exposed to any food residue that may be on a kitchen towel.  Don’t forget about the soap itself – many contain allergens, especially when the “fancy” ones are put out in the powder room!
• Fresh herbs can decorate any platter or dish.  If you child can’t be exposed directly to the food, have them tear the leaves onto a fresh plate and the hostess can add them herself.  
• Remember to take a minute and admire the presentation.  “Ellie, I love the way you made a nest of greens for the turkey to rest upon! It makes the whole dish look beautiful!”
• Letting the little ones arrange several small allergen-free vegetable trays and then carry them from guest to guest as the adults help themselves is a wonderful exercise in social skills and creates the perfect opportunity for each adult in the family to chat with each child.  So often, kids end up sitting together or playing in another room and miss out on the important feeling of belonging to the extended family. 

Being a Gracious Guest During the Party and Afterward

Demonstrating how thankful we are for the special day together is part of being a gracious guest.  The holiday season is prime time for polishing up on manners, helping with the chores whenever our child can do so safely or offering to entertain the younger children while the adults clean up the  kitchen.  As your child “What is the one thing you would like to offer to do for Grandma today?” and help him follow through.  The very next morning, sit down together and write a thank you note.  Preschoolers can color a picture and kids in elementary school can write a sentence at the bottom of your handwritten note.  It’s all part of the celebration and focusing on what matters most – family. 

Try a handprint turkey card, if you'd like to be creative!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your sweet families!  I wish you good health andmany joyful memories this holiday season.  _Melanie

More Articles About Thankgiving

Read Aimee's Story:   Second Thoughts About Thanksgiving.

How to Talk Turkey (And Food Allergies) at Thanksgiving.

For more tips on dealing with schools, read:  How to Feel Less Stress With a Food Allergic Child in School.

About Melanie

Melanie Potock, MA, CCC-SLP, of www.mymunchbug.com.  Melanie is speech language pathologist who specializes in feeding.  Her work brings her into the homes and schools of her clients, kids, who for various reasons have difficulty with food or with eating. She works with kids and their parents to develop effective strategies that help children become “more adventurous eaters”.  At least 50% of her clients have food allergies or intolerances, and for them, “adventurous eating” takes on a special meaning.  Melanie is also the author of Happy Mealtimes with Happy Kids” and the executive producer of “Dancing in the Kitchen.”

Parents: How to Talk Turkey (and Food Allergies) at Thanksgiving

This guest article continues our series on Thanksgiving with social tips to help dicuss food allergies with family and friends.

Next!

Phew!  Halloween has come and gone and you managed to  A) Keep you child with food allergies safe and sound while  B) actually enjoying the Halloween events – the class party, perhaps some Trick or Treating, and maybe a spooky Haunted House too!

Now, it’s November, and just as you find an allergen-laced Snickers™ bar hiding under the living room couch, the phone rings and it’s Aunt Apathy.  You know, the one who doesn’t seem to care about your kid’s life threatening food allergies?  “Allergies?” she questions you.  “Can’t you just give your kid a pill for that?” 

UGH!  You were dreading this call.  The entire extended family is gathering for the traditional Thanksgiving feast at Aunt Apathy’s.  Here we go – another holiday and another celebration with the potential to hurt your child, little Elsa, who is severely allergic to peanuts and intolerant to several other common foods.  

In this three part series, we will be addressing how to  1) Prepare your relatives for the cautions necessary to keep your child safe, 2) deal with the emotions when other adults just don’t “get it” and3.) Enjoy the big day while focusing on what Thanksgiving is really all about:  Gathering together with thankful hearts.

Here’s what you know for sure:
1.    You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
2.    You don’t want to skip Thanksgiving or the memories.
3.    You need to keep your child safe.
4.    Again, you need to keep your child safe.

Accept the invitation, thank her and hang up.  Review 1, 2, 3 and 4.  Those three points are what you want to accomplish when you call her back.  So, write a script and call her back within the next 24 hours.  Open the conversation with “Have I caught you at a busy time?” so you are assured she is present and truly listening, then smile the entire time you are chatting with her on the phone.  People can hear you smile.  Be calm, yet friendly  – pretend you are in Mr. Roger’s neighborhood.  There’s never ever family drama there.

Here are a few scripts that might fit into your personal scenario:

The key phase here is “Would that be helpful?”

Everyone in our family is so excited to be coming to your house for Thanksgiving!  Elsa can’t stop taking about it! (This points out how important it is to Elsa and makes Auntie feel important in Elsa’s life, which she is.) I know it’s tricky to plan such a big event when someone with a food allergy is attending, so I wanted to offer to help in any way. (Keep talking so she can’t insert a “Oh No DEAR, that won’t be necessary”)  I would be happy to make a side dish or two that everyone could enjoy and Elsa could eat easily.  Would that be helpful so that you can prepare all the traditional dishes that you do so well?  

Now…onto the cross contamination topic…

Your concern (Open with this, even if she never seems concerned) about Elsa accidently being exposed to an allergen is always appreciated.  You don’t have to worry about her touching dairy products – she just can’t eat them or she will get pretty sick.  But, she can’t touch peanuts.  That’s the one you need to worry about the most, but it’s okay, I can be helpful with that.  Gosh, I can’t think of anything that you might be serving with peanuts though, can you?  OH, I just thought of one –my neighbors fry their turkey in the gigantic turkey fryer in the back yard – and I just learned they use peanut oil.  I would never had thought of that – peanuts in turkey!  There are so many hidden sources.  This might be helpful, save me the wrappers from any food and I’ll look over the ingredient list and we can decide then if Elsa can have it.   Or, would you like me to come and help the night before or early that morning?  (Now you have given her options to accept your help.  She maintains some power over her big event while you keep your child safe.)

When a traditional dish is ALWAYS part of the feast in your family, but your kid is allergic to it.

One of the things I am looking forward to are your famous sweet potatoes with that amazing buttery, maple sugar sauce!  It’s such a wonderful memory from my childhood! I know it won’t be a yummy as the one that you will make that day, but how about I bring a similar dish of sweet potatoes for Elsa?  That way, we can still have the tradition of your dish that means so much to all of us, and Elsa can have her own version too.  It is just really important to me that Elsa shares that memory with you.

Try these recipes for squash,  and for sweet potatoes.

When your child has a new or unanticipated dietary restriction...

I just wanted to give you the heads up that we took Nicholas off sugar 3 month ago.  It’s the first time that his immune system has done its job!  He didn’t catch any of those nasty start-of-school bugs that kept him home for weeks last year.  His doctor has encouraged us to keep it up (always good to insert an authority figure, like a doctor), even through the holidays.  I didn’t want to hurt your feelings if we bring him something sugar-free for dessert.  Or, would it be helpful if I brought  two or three of those fabulous sugar-free pumpkin pies from Molly’s Allergen-Free Bakery?
 
These conversations aren’t always easy: Aunt Apathy just isn’t going to see life the way you do, because food allergies are a new phenomenon for her generation.  But, deep down, we all have the same purpose for Thanksgiving.  It’s about gathering family and friends together, creating memories and establishing traditions.  If the two of you focus on those intentions, you have a common goal.  That means you care about the same thing.  Next thing you know, you’ll have to start calling her by her real name.  But for now, just call her “Auntie” and send her flowers the next day to thank her for all of her hard work and  for creating memories for your child will always cherish.

More Article for Parents

For more tips on dealing with schools, read:  How to Feel Less Stress With a Food Allergic Child in School.

Read Aimee's Story:   Second Thoughts About Thanksgiving.

About The Author

Melanie Potock, M.A., CCC-SLP of My MunchbugMelanie Potock, MA, CCC-SLP, of www.mymunchbug.com.  Melanie is speech language pathologist who specializes in feeding.  Her work brings her into the homes and schools of her clients, kids, who for various reasons have difficulty with food or with eating. She works with kids and their parents to develop effective strategies that help children become “more adventurous eaters”.  At least 50% of her clients have food allergies or intolerances, and for them, “adventurous eating” takes on a special meaning.

Aimee's Story: Second Thoughts About Thanksgiving.

Welcome to Aimee B. Smith, our new guest blogger and parent of a food allergic child.  This post is part of a series about dealing with food allergies in social situations -- this series will discuss handling Thanksgiving.  

Upon Arrival

From the moment I step out of our car on-to the snow-packed drive of my aunt’s house, my nose catches a whiff of the delicious aromas of roasted turkey, baked stuffing and homemade pumpkin pies.  The smell takes my mind and taste buds back, evoking all the warmth and nostalgia of Thanksgiving. But before my belly has a chance to rumble with the anticipation of gorging on the holiday spread, a sharp pain stabs my gut. Anxiety overtakes me: Will we be met with sly glances or unpleasant teasing again?  Will my daughter’s food intolerances consume the dinner table discussion? Will I be slammed repeatedly from every direction with questions like, “I forget, what gluten is exactly?” and, “Now tell me again, why can’t she eat this?” The knot wrenching my stomach tightens. Am I prepared to handle the slew of well-meaning but perpetually clueless references of, “I don’t understand…” and “Don’t worry so much, a little won’t hurt her.”?

Second Thoughts

I am having second thoughts about being here. Maybe our family’s dietary baggage is too great a burden to others.   Should we even have come to this dinner? This is as bad as, maybe worse than taking Raina to her friend’s pizza party or attending a neighborhood picnic. I’m scared for her safety, afraid she may ingest the wrong foods.  But it’s not just the allergens, disguised in mouthwatering dishes and desserts that I fear. My concern goes deeper –what if my daughter feels like an outcast, or that she feels somehow less of a person because she can’t eat what others are indulging in? 

Giving Thanks

My eyes turn to find Raina. She’s skipping up to the steps with glee. My Uncle Bob opens the door as full of high spirits as my little, bouncing girl. My aunts push him aside and run out with open arms and wide, glowing smiles to welcome and hug Raina tightly. I relax for a minute; my fears are subdued watching everyone’s joy. 

I remember the lessons that Melanie Potock, Raina’s feeding therapist, taught us: Eating should be enjoyable and relaxed.  It’s as much about the act of sitting down and enjoying each other as it is the food.  We aren’t here just for the food. 

I take a deep breath, allowing myself a break for just that instance from the overbearing stress I put on myself to manage these sorts of situations. As I let out a deep sigh, I remind myself of the pressure I place on myself to ensure Raina’s safety and that I’m doing a great job.

As I waddle up to the steps, laden with bags of my own allergen free pumpkin pie, gluten/egg/dairy free, green chili cornbread and homemade gravy I think perhaps this year can be better. I inwardly repeat my daily mantra, “It’s getting easier each day.  It’s getting easier each day…”  

Aunt Margie jolts over to grab a bag and, peaking in, says, “Oooh, look as these goodies! Your cousin, Lizzie, will be so happy. She’s on some crazy diet, off the dairy and gluten as well.” 

“Really!” I reply in shock then burst out a big smile, eager to greet my cousin, our new comrade on our allergen-free team. 

While I can’t always have faith that my family or friends will understand Raina’s needs or bend over backwards to accommodate her, I can hope that each year will improve as we all grow. I’m certain Raina will someday grow to be her own advocate and we, as a family, will find improved ways to cope with our stresses. Now that, is something to be thankful for!

About Aimee

Aimee B. Smith is a mother to four year old Raina, her miracle girl who was born a micro preemie at 24 weeks gestation. Aimee and her family embarked on an allergy-friendly journey after discovering Raina suffered from multiple food intolerances. The process has opened up a whole new adventure of cooking, shopping, dining and socializing for her and her husband. She is an avid writer, who finds inspiration for her art through her strong spirited daughter and the challenges and triumphs of motherhood. 

Fun Ideas to Keep Your Trick-or-Treaters Safe from Food Allergies

Welcome to guest blogger, Melanie Potock, MA, CCC-SLP, of www.mymunchbug.com. 

Melanie is speech language pathologist who specializes in feeding.  Her work brings her into the homes and schools of her clients, kids, who for various reasons have difficulty with food or with eating. She works with kids and their parents to develop effective strategies that help children become “more adventurous eaters”.  At least 50% of her clients have food allergies or intolerances, and for them, “adventurous eating” takes on a special meaning.  Her last post, "How Can Parents Feel Less Stress with a Food Allergic Child in School", was a major hit with readers.  Welcome, Melanie!

Trick or Treat Nirvana (What'a a Parent to Do?)

My neighborhood is a child’s Trick or Treating nirvana; street after street of tightly packed  houses, much like enormous Pez candies crammed inside a spring-loaded Casper the Ghost container. It’s the perfect setting for little fists holding giant plastic pumpkins to collect as many pounds of sugar as humanly possible in the shortest amount of time.  The neighbors are obsessed with decorating their homes to the hilt and consequently our sidewalks are packed with little Batmans, Disney Princesses and giant Rubik’s Cubes negotiating their way to each and every over-the-top decorated home and loading up on anything the neighbor’s offer when the kids shout “TRICK OR TREAT!”

So what’s a parent to do when their child with food allergies so desperately wants to join in on the door to door fun? 

  Well, keep this in mind: For the kids, Halloween is about ringing a doorbell, shouting “TRICK OR TREAT”,  remembering to say “thank you” as they scurry off to the next house and most of all – giggling non-stop with their friends.  It’s truly about the social experience, and not so much about what gets thrown in the bag.  But for parents, what ends up in their bags is vitally important for safety reasons. Here a few strategies to consider.

Enlist the help of a few neighbors

…and be sure to send them a thank you note in November!


1.    SECRET PASSWORD:  Nobody wants a child to miss out on the big night.  Most friends and neighbors will be thrilled to stash your candy alternatives by their front door.  If your alternative treat needs to be kept separate from other food substances,  be sure to let them know.  If your child is old enough and/or you are not present,  just tell them that  Mrs. Smith needs to hear the secret password (e.g. “monster mash”) because she is saving something just for them.  The last thing you want is Mrs. Smith accidently giving some random fairy princess your child’s special allergen free treat!

2.    Create a “TREASURE HUNT” with clues that lead your little pirate to the buried treasure where X marks the spot.  Give ten clues to ten neighbors; use brown grocery bag paper, black ink and even singe the edges for that authentic “treasure map” look.  Each piece of paper provides the next clue on where to go:  “Yo ho ho, ye pirate gents! Go to the next house with the white picket fence!”  Little do they suspect that the 10th clue will send them back to their own house, where they will discover a giant X and a special treasure buried beneath, just for them!

Tangible Alternatives to Candy

Whether you are planting a few of these with your sweet neighbors or giving them away to the little creatures knocking on your door that night, here are a few tangible alternatives to traditional candy:

1.    Eyeballs (and other spooky treats):  Google that Michael’s coupon or head to your favorite craft store to stock up on creative options for candy.  Whether you are trying to avoid sugar or the top 8 allergens, bringing home a pillow-sack of party favors such as blood-shot super ball eyes, miniature magnifying glasses, Halloween stickers or a tiny decks of cards is still a nice pile of loot for your little goblins to dump on the living room floor when they get home!

2.    My favorite treats are glow-in-the-dark bracelets.  We activate all of them just before the doorbell starts to ring and put them in a clear plastic bowl so they give off an eerie glow when we open the front door.  Little munchkins pop them on their wrists and run off to the next house, literally glowing.  Because my nick-name is “safety-mom”, I feel better knowing that everyone’s kids are a bit more visible running around in the dark.

3.    Think outside the box.  Most toy or craft stores have bins of whistles, harmonicas and bubbles to use in replace of candy.  Don’t forget small packets of origami paper, craft buttons, jewelry kits and beads, etc.  There are isles and isles of wonderful candy substitutes that will keep your child busy long after the other kids’ candy is eaten.  Believe me, parents all over town will be eternally grateful to see something creative in their children’s sacks rather than yet another pack of sour gummy worms.  Create a little karma for yourself!

Allergen-Free Candy

A spectacular list of allergen-free candy (many, free of the top 8 allergens) is available on The Tender Foodie blog.  Be the “good house” that the kids rave about with the really cool candy.

Got Candy?  (Too Much)  Here’s how to get rid of it FAST!

1.    Hold a Candy Auction:  Dig into that Monopoly game and grab those pastel paper bills!  Here’s your child’s chance to hold a candy auction! When all the bidding is over, he gets to count out how many paper bills (dollar amount is now a moot point) he received and trade those in for real money, but half goes in his savings account.  

2.    Worth Their Weight in... Dollars:   Finally, a chance to use your bathroom scale and rejoice as the numbers go UP!  Kids get to weigh their loot and get paid $5 for every pound.  The next day, extend the family fun by going to the toy store or a favorite “haunt” to buy something together.

Safety Considerations

In addition to the general safety considerations for all trick-or-treaters noted at http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/pubs/hallow.html, there are additional safety considerations for children with food allergies:

1.    SEPARATE CANDY:  Make it clear to other adults if alternative treats need to be separate from other food substances due to cross-contamination.

2.    Bring an EPI-PEN and if you are not accompanying your child, make sure his friends know where the pen is stored.

3.    Trick or Treating in groups only.  As for any child, stay together.

4.    Give your child a fully charged CELL PHONE with emergency numbers on top; make sure her friends know how to use it, too.

5.    Make sure your child is wearing an ID bracelet that is visible despite her costume.

6.    Ask the other children to WAIT to eat their candy until it can be inspected at home.  This is a general safety rule for all kids, but also prevents accidental contact via another child during the excitement of trick or treating.

A final thought…

Consider your own expectations and how those may define your child’s expectations for Halloween.  Lori Lite of Stress Free Kids has a few words of wisdom applicable to any holiday:

“It is not necessary for children to have the full blown experience in order for them to have a good time.” _Lori Lite (Stress Free Kids)

Ask your child what they would like to do.  Perhaps he just wants to be in charge of passing out the glow bracelets and while the two of you wear matching glow-in–the-dark Vampire teeth!  So often as parents, we try to do make a huge production out of a holiday because we feel we owe it to our kids.  Funny thing is, most of the time, the kids are just thrilled to be a small part of it as long as they are sharing it with you.  

So enjoy and be in the moment.  Wear a funny hat.  Tell a spooky story.  Take LOTS of pictures and video, too.  Stick a plastic spider on someone’s chair at dinner.  Don’t be afraid to scream – it’s the one night you can do so with abandon!   Happy Halloween everyone!